


A Long Fucking Weekend

by insomnia_writer



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, John Laurens - Freeform, Loneliness, M/M, Marquis de Lafayette - Freeform, Mini Fic, Polyamory, Self-Esteem Issues, Separation Anxiety, Separation Issues, Storms, john and laf are at a wedding, one golden sun, poor alex has problems, poor alex wont talk about his problems, this is based off of a fic by one_golden_sun who is great, whoops... angst, you should read everything they make
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 10:26:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10739814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomnia_writer/pseuds/insomnia_writer
Summary: Alexander knows that he is doing the right thing by staying home while John and Lafayette visit South Carolina without him. That doesn't mean that he enjoys it.





	A Long Fucking Weekend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [one_golden_sun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_golden_sun/gifts).



> okay so this is a really shitty oneshot based off of the AMAZING fic I Can Fix Anything If You Let Me Near by one_golden_sun . They are literally one of my biggest writing inspirations. This is my interpretation of Alexanders time alone for the weekend while John and Laf are at Martha Laurens' wedding. I have always pictured Alex to have a lot of separation anxiety after all the shit that happened to him as a kid, but he never really likes to show that side to anyone else because he doesn't like looking weak. I am really not that good of a writer, so I apologize in advanced, but here we go. (also im sorry one_golden_sun if you're reading this because I am probably the worst writer ever and I may have butchered this entire thing)

Alexander knew that he was doing the right thing, deep down he knew that if he went to South Carolina with John and Lafayette, he would start a fight with Henry, cause drama, ruin the wedding. Martha didn’t deserve that. None of them deserved that. Deep down Hamilton knew that he was a nuisance, a struggle. He made things difficult for everyone that was around him, but he just couldn’t help it. It was who he was.  
John and Lafayette left on Thursday. As the flight took off, Hamilton felt momentarily empty, as though his heart had been ripped out and was sitting on that god forsaken plane with them. There was a hollowness in his chest, a hollowness that used to be filled by the two men that he loved so truly. Now there was nothing. The subway ride back home felt dull. It was as if with every second that passed by, and every mile further away they were, reality slipped away more and more.  
Alexander did his best not to succumb to these melancholy feelings, throwing himself into his work the moment that he got home. He put his mind into the words that his fingers were frantically typing away. He cancelled the plans that he had made with Peggy and Hercules, figuring that it would just be tiring to pretend that things were alright when they were not. Things didn’t see right without his boys being home. That night, between the work and the emotional distress, Hamilton conveniently forgot the human necessity known as food. Should he have felt bad? Sure. Lafayette and John had made him promise to take care of himself, but no one would know, right? It was a dirty little secret, shared between him, the empty hallways, and the oh so lonely bed.  
Friday came quick, and Hamilton found himself waking up with his cheek pressed against the keyboard. His boyfriends called, he tried to make his voice sound as okay as possible. He didn’t want to worry them, hurt John even more than he had over the last week. God knew that they didn’t need that. They deserved to enjoy their weekend together. When the phone clicked off, Hamilton slumped against the couch and sighed, deciding that it was going to be a long fucking weekend.  
The storm rolled in Saturday afternoon. It was, at first, only a slight patter of rain, but by around three, the thunder kicked in. Alexander was at home, sitting at the kitchen island when the first loud crack roared, rattling everything around him. Hamilton froze, fingers falling still, eyes fixed on the flashing cursor of the laptop screen. The world went dark, faded, and when he opened his eyes again he wasn’t at his most recent home. The kitchen was gone, replaced by his and his mother’s old bedroom (they ended up having to share since space in the projects was always so limited). The windows were flying open, possessed by the wind, and there was water pouring in, collecting on the floor. Hamilton was in the far corner of the torn up bed, knees pulled up to his chest, sobbing hysterically. He knew that they crying would only make it worse, each tear adding to the quickly rising water levels. His mother was at work; His father was gone. He was alone.  
Normally, storms were manageable. Lafayette would coddle him and John would brush his hair and the time would pass. Now, Laf and John were a twelve-hour car ride away. There were no hugs or sweet nothings strung together in Spanish, only a very scared Hamilton that had, at some point in the night, shut himself in his closet. Despite the apartment being completely dry, Alex felt like there was water all around him. He was suffocating, desperately reaching for air which seemed to no longer exist. This was it, he was dying. His loves would come home to find a city engulfed in ocean and a waterlogged cadaver that they used to call their boyfriend. Would they mourn? Would they cry? Hopefully. It would be awfully depressing if they didn’t.  
By the time that the storm passed, alexander felt tired, weak, like the way he did between his cousin’s suicide and meeting Lafayette. He slept there on the closet floor, and only woke up to the sound of what was probably a car accident outside. There was a loud banging noise, and Alex knew that he would not be able to go back to sleep, even if he tried, and he would certainly not get an ounce of rest in their bed. It was too empty without his boyfriends. Would that be what it’s like if they were to ever break up? What was once a warm, safe spot would turn into a ghost of times past.  
Alex forced himself to eat something, drink a little water, knowing that life would be back to normal soon and if Lafayette found out that he had broken his promise of self-care, Hamilton wouldn’t be allowed to stay on his own again any time soon. He had to snap himself out of the despondency that he had fallen into, for their sake, much like everything else.  
The last night alone was the worse. Alexander, who often found himself more melancholy once the sun went down, gave up and finally crawled onto the soft mattress for the first time in days. He laid flat in the middle, wrapped tight in a blanket, pretending that the warmth it created was from another person instead of the inanimate object. His mind ended up wandering. The bed. Laf’s cologne on the pillows. Johns shampoo He wondered what they were up to. Both his boys were known for having the occasional drink too much. They had probably snuck out of the wedding by now, were up in Johns old room, touching, fucking. Hamilton had heard them sleeping together some nights when he was too busy working. It always sounded so hot, so intimate. Sure, their relationship was centered around loving and trusting each other, but that didn’t mean that Alex never got jealous sometimes. It wasn’t like he didn’t miss being the center of attention every once in a while, but what was important was that he certainly would never have wanted it any other way. He was desperately in love with both of him, and loving people meant making sacrifices to help make them happy. Sacrifices like repressing emotions that would complicate things, and allowing others to be in the center sometimes.  
When John and Lafayette came back, Alexander met them at the airport, despite being told that he didn’t have to. He was waiting just outside the terminal, hands in pockets and hair pulled back into a pony tail. The dark bags under his eyes were evident that he hadn’t been sleeping well, and the way his eyes lit up at the sight of them showed just how dull they had really become. Hamilton had to use all his self-control not to break out into a sprint to hug them, but instead waited for them to approach and quickly pulling the both of them into a tight hug. It was nice, warm, safe. It was home.


End file.
